Men named “John” are not prone in movies to do stupid things, unlike our counterparts doomed to childishness when being named “Johnny”.  The whole matter of the foolish additives to my most noble of monikers makes me want to seek audience of The Queen…or something…had to have come from her Isle.  Can’t imagine the Germans having anything to do with it. If there were to be a documentary on the matter, it would only be suitable for HDTV, no normal television could handle my ego…I can tell you THAT much!

Us ‘Johns’ are known worldwide.  Try translating “Johnny” in any language…doubtful there’s a single one to do it justice compared to ‘ours’.

And we aren’t dumb enough to look twice at red doors on white backgrounds…let alone enter them…without pushing someone else to go first and get eaten by the bogeyman.

Because in the real world, THAT’S what REAL JOHN’s do!