Cleaning out my orifices
December 14th, 2009
A few weeks ago Sylvie Dixie from Fuelmyblog put a call out to members of the community to consider reviewing two ‘hygiene’ products…I think that’s what they’re called. Before going on, let me say that I was asked to receive these products, use them, and relate my experiences. This isn’t about you…it’s about “ME”…just in case the FTC is reading this, which they should because I’m a really smart guy, I’m sexy, have a soothing touch, and I’m sexy.
Did I say I’m sexy in case the FTC is reading this? (Hope it’s a heterosexual single FTC agent, because I’m not in the demographic of aspiring a relationship with a transgendered, gay, lesbian, or bisexual FTC agent…just sayin)
I also have a taste for brunettes, call me a racist if you want. On with the review. The two items received by mail were the items pictured to the right. One an ear irrigator, the other a nasal rinse kit. Since I patented nose irrigation with a simpler tool, it’s understandable they wouldn’t want conflicts of interest in calling it ‘that’.
Ear Irrigation
The first tried was the ear irrigator system. I’d had the chance years ago of having this procedure done by an affluent doctor after having found a cockroach in my ear that’d been stuck there for over six months…it would explain the problems I was having with odd smells and tastes.
I remember the day it happened. Living in a delapidated trailer in redneck crackerville Georgia. The Norwegian Wharf Rats had quit mating in the bathtub while laughing at my spouse screaming at them. I took the chance of taking a nap, and a roach kamakazied into my ear while I lay on my side.
He went in, and couldn’t back out. I heard the rhythmic beating of his antennae on my eardrum as he tried to communicate with me: I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINS!
I was too embarrassed to go to the doctor. After 10 minutes, he quit…I thought he’d fall out…I could still hear…least I could hear he wasn’t moving.
My apologies, I digress.
The irrigator was marvelous, easy to use, instructions very simple to follow. The ‘swishing’ of the water, pleasant. The only advice I would give would be to ensure you use warm water. Mine was a bit cooler, and I forgot…cool water used to irrigate causes vertigo for five minutes in most cases. I was pushing against the wall when the apartment was tipping when I headed to the next phase of the testing.
My nose loved this
Having my ear canals now clean, I opened the box for the neti rinse. It appeared to be…the visual likes of a marital aid when the tip was put on the syringe. The idea, mix a saline solution packet with 8 ounces of warm (obviously) water, suck it up into the syringe, put the tip of the ‘adaptor’ in/on/against one nostril, hold open mouth while leaning over something to catch ‘the flow’, and push the plunger…all while holding it up against the nostril.
I’d expected water to come out of my mouth…or something. It didn’t. What ‘did’ occur was water flushing in and up, and somehow my plumbing diverting it to the other nostril…I pictured a sewer line in my head, and the flow washing all my troubles down the drain.
I dabbed a bit to ‘freshen up’, and noticed something odd.
My breathing was in fact clearer. I’m not sure if I had hard ‘boogers’ lining my passages, or if it was snotty stuff before it became such…but…it did make breathing nicer.
Years ago I’d try to have sex nightly. Now, with neti rinse…I can get all the satisfaction I need myself and a good nights rest breathing easier!
On another note, I’m making a point of speaking to my doctor the next time seeing him, to inform him of using this product…it’s effects…and allow him to be part of my decision making in case there are risks involved he’s aware of due to his education.
Doubt he ever continues to stick things up his nose as when he was a kid…or maybe he’s just a closet case nose cleaner.
Never can tell.
The only thing I’m having an issue with is how to use these products on children. Do I let them “DO it yourself” or shove it in and just get it over with?
Help me out here.
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Cockroach ……. there’s an interesting word that could be defined other than an insect …….. smokin’ in a novel way perhaps? ……….
They are ghastly. In Southern United States, they are a problem. When I was young and lived near the Canadian border, we NEVER experienced them.
Or poisonous spiders. Or poisonous snakes. Except my stepfather’s ex wife. She was from the South, so she really doesn’t count.
There are actually pockets of places even in cccccold Fracskatchewan, where folks have roaches. If they get into a building they can be there despite our climate because our buildings are well heated during the cold.
I know of some rental areas in town where they’re a problem.
And we have poisonous snakes too.
PLUS the cold. What more could you want?
I suppose the one redeeming thing about living here is that I’m here.
‘Scuse me.
I just choked. Wonder if it was something I said…
May have been one of those ‘V’isiting rats. (giggle snort)
So where or how did they get there? Migration through produce from the lower 48?
You’re so endearing when you giggle-snort.
They can come in luggage, produce, eggs in cardboard (the corrugated kind…) and all sorts of ways.
The aussie sis of mine hath edumacated me about all things roaches, since it can be a huge problem there. I watched that reality show about the airline (can’t remember which) and there was this old dude from overseas who was mad because they wouldn’t let him on another flight with his luggage. The camera showed it on the floor with roaches coming out of it.
Also.. any big city in Canada has roach issues, weather or not. Niece’s building in TO was over-run with ‘em. They get brought in with folks from roachie areas.
I…live in a roachie area!
I ‘have’ found that those electronic plug-ins that go on and off every three minutes ‘DO’ mess with their electromagnetic fields and drive them away.
They cost $14USD. Best thing is to start on one side of the home with just one in an outlet. A week later, add another one in an adjacent room.
Try not to ‘loopback’ and trap them in the home though.
The systems work off the electrical circuit, so if a room like a kitchen has appliances on two different lines, it’s best to put one on each respectively.
Aussie sis has never had them, even though that’s really difficult there. She is so dilligent though… she has a million little things she’s made part of her routine that have become habits… and has been very lucky with avoiding having to deal with them.
They’re one thing I would freak over. Gahk…
The baby fraccy boy’s class has a salamander pet and they feed it crickets. Thrice, they’ve hitch-hiked home with him and I’ve found them in the house. I get reeeeeally mad.
Visions of Fracas of The Garden goin’ all girly about a cricket. That brought a smile to my face…warm and well meant.
The bad thing about roaches is that by the time they become visible a problem, they’ve taken residence in walls to the point of being bold enough to be in the open…almost like they’re giving people ‘the finger’ before running off, when they wait for 2 seconds standing still.
The worse thing is ‘the smell’. People who are sensitive to scent; especially those having histories of sinusitus; can actually smell roach droppings.
If blindfolded and even if a house was cleaned with bleach, if walked in by another person…I…could smell roach crap.
Molecularly, waste ‘smelled’ is actually pieces of the ‘items’ passing the receptors in the nose…as they pass on their way to the lungs.
Hence…the droppings become part of the person smelling them.
It’s like those women that wrung out Flea’s underwear and drank his sweat, the guy from Red Hot Chili Peppers.
“He’s a part of us now”.
Oh. Gee. Whiz.
I didn’t go all ‘girly’ about it, I got mad. The dd… she went all girly and called me to kill the damn things, which I did. I think it’s cute that you got all smiley thinking I went all girly… but unfortunately when it comes to bugs in the house, I get to be manly fracas again. We get spiders inside in spring and fall and I do manly duty then too. Please keep thinking I’m girly though… someone should. DD said she didn’t want me to cut my hair and look like a boy. I cut it anyway. Not sure if I look like a boy or not, but it’s too late.
anyways….
I knew that part about smell particles… another mom I know used to get really upset at farts for the same reason… lol.
and those women with Flea’s underwear?
Freaks.
Seriously. I think that kind of thinking is just really bizarre… and that’s how you know there are no fraccy panties in Tom Jones’ or Wayne Newton’s memory box.
But, um… lovely conversations we have, don’t you think?
Birds of a feather frack together.
You and I have two very different perspectives, but that’s understandable…we come from two different places.
You came from the place ‘down under’, Yomamma. I came from Mymomma. It too lied down under, but on a lateral position and distance from the other geographically.
I just read my comment and realized you might’ve thought my Oh. Gee. Whiz. part had to do with whether or not I went all girly. It wasn’t… I meant Oh. Gee. Whiz. about the roaches in the walls and smelling the droppings, etc.
Sometimes my brain is going faster than my fingers type and it doesn’t come out right.
But, umm… when you talk about us coming from different places, does that mean you *would* throw your panties at Tom Jones or Wayne Newton?
And another thing…
Do I write like a boy with this new haircut? Just wondering…
You’re right, I think you thought what I thought was right on the money, I think.
Even though you went all girly explainin’ it.
No, I wouldn’t…because I don’t wear panties. I R man. I R wearin’…ain’t tellin’ ya now!
…you cut your hair? (o)(o) I’m not cuttin’ mine…just shavin’. The face. Not my legs. Or arm pits.
Just sayin’ and clarifyin’. Like butter from the fridge for 30 minutes. Smooth. Supple.
…are you buyin’ this, sis’?
Well I’m glad neither of us would throw panties at anyone, that’s just icky.
What am I supposed to be buyin’? Butter? Or your supple legs? I prolly should buy some butter since the kids want shortbread cookies and all…
But am I yer sis? I thought I was a denmother, or a blogmother or something? I guess you finally gave that up. Odd. It’s not even lent yet… and really, do you always give up that easy?
Yer so girly that way…
I’d be more apt to a string thong.
I don’t market body parts. It’s a package purchase store these parts. Go raid the chicken coop and go Victorian on the masses…let them eat CAKE!
When you think of yourself, you refer to yourself as ‘I’. You have a softness for the dd, which your always in the middle of expressing.
That being said, you experiencing dId would explain being able to fill so many roles.
And I’m not ‘girly’. I’m in touch with my effeminate side, and it’s all bitch. Mother was a beautician, and having been able to applicate after seeing someone demonstrate is just one of my skills.
…that I haven’t gone yet. Still have brain surgery and the bar to entertain much prior. I don’t think 80 year old transvestites are all that sexy.
Just sayin’.
I’m so glad you clarified all of that for me.
:chuckles:
Stop it, STOP It I Say!