Life Onwards

Archive for the ‘Deep Thoughts w/JohnC’ Category

Kitten Huffing

When your body begins to reject lolcats, it’s time for the next level of virtual drugs online. You just hold it up to your nose and snort…if you end up with an orange clawed facehugger, you didn’t snort hard enough obviously.

Men named “John” are not prone in movies to do stupid things, unlike our counterparts doomed to childishness when being named “Johnny”.  The whole matter of the foolish additives to my most noble of monikers makes me want to seek audience of The Queen…or something…had to have come from her Isle.  Can’t imagine the Germans having anything to do with it. If there were to be a documentary on the matter, it would only be suitable for HDTV, no normal television could handle my ego…I can tell you THAT much!

Us ‘Johns’ are known worldwide.  Try translating “Johnny” in any language…doubtful there’s a single one to do it justice compared to ‘ours’.

And we aren’t dumb enough to look twice at red doors on white backgrounds…let alone enter them…without pushing someone else to go first and get eaten by the bogeyman.

Because in the real world, THAT’S what REAL JOHN’s do!

or also known as
“Pssst…Omen 2008…pass it on”

Heds up! A monstar cum outta oshun!

1 An I r in ur sandz looking at ur waterz: an OH NOES! A monstar camez out. He can has severn hedz an ten hornz: an can has ten crouwnz.

2 An teh monstar I saws It iz layk big spotteded kitteh, an It can has pawz layk bear, an It can has mout layk big neck-fur kitteh. An Teh dragn gaved it teh powurz an teh chairz an teh autoritiez.

3 An I sawz teh munster hurtz in teh hed: An laterz teh monstar hed he getz bettar: An evry pepls goes layk: OMFG! in wunder.

4 An evry1 goes wrship teh munster an Evry1 goes wrship teh dragn bcuz he r haveing teh powurz. Any1 stolez hiz cheezburgerz? No wai!

5 An teh monstar sai bad of Ceiling Cat and he also sed teh monstar wuz clevar. He can has powurz 4 yeerz an yeerz.

6 An teh monstar openez mout: An then he sed he h8z Ceiling Cat! OMG.

7 An teh monstur wuntz 2 taek teh cheezburgerz form Ceiling Cat. Teh monstar goes layk: “I r in ur Urf killing ur d00dz an ur seints!”: An teh monstar can has powurs obr Urf.

8 An all teh pepls on teh Urf wrship him coz teh peplz namez not in Teh bookz of laif of teh ded lamb.

9 Listan j00.

10 If U make kitteh goeth unto cat carrier then one dai U goeth unto car carrier. If kitteh eatz birdeh then kitteh getz eatanz one dai. Ceiling Cat saiz so keke.

Look Owt! A monstah cum outta teh urth!

11 An anothar monstar cumz form teh earth! Dis 1 can has too horn liek a lamb but soundz layk a dragn.

12 An he haz teh powurz layk teh othar monstar. Ppl liek him 2.

13 An he maeded Graet Wunderz: He r casting majik missel unto Urf. Scarey!

14 An Evry1 wuz trixored. Letz maek a akshun film bcuz teh monstar iz strongar then Stevan Seegul.

15 An Teh othar monstar maed evry1 watch teh film or he casted majik missil at tehm.

16 An He maeded evry1 by it on vidio an dvd an teh speshun editiun. An maeded evry1 has markz on teh hed!

17 An U has a markz!! Or no moar cheezburgerz!

18 Wisdom, I has it. Teh clevar ppl can do dis sum – wat iz 6 hundrad addad 3 tiemz twentey addad six. Taht is teh numbar of teh monstar!